Destroy All Humans!

1950s America was a great time to be alive. Not that I speak from experience, thankfully. Resting unassumingly on top of a grid of bomb shelters, suburbia sprawled green and vibrant. Housewives in aprons cooled pies on window sills, a raving lunatic announced that the reds are coming to take him away. Fathers and husbands returned from their working days, greeted with the evening meals their wives had lovingly prepared. It was easy to forget the fact that at any moment communists could descend upon the west, raping and pillaging and doing whatever it is that Russian people do when they get mad.

Part of what made this fact more digestible for the housewives and their pies was the magical televisual-box in the corner of the living room. The 50s were the birthplace of some of the finest science fiction ever to grace the screens of drive-in movie theatres across the United States; it was the era of the "B-Movie", and it's so easy to parody. That's why it's parodied well and often, most notably in the case of Tim Burton's "Mars Attacks!".

Now that I have you in the right frame of mind, may I introduce you to Destroy All Humans!, an interactive version of Tim Burton's classic. I could end the review here, and you could probably draw your own conclusions as to how much you'll enjoy this game - but leaving people to form their own opinions is irresponsible and dangerous, so I'll continue. DAH's plot focuses on the plight of the Furons, a race of two foot tall aliens who, for very complicated and personal reasons involving lack of genitalia, must harvest human DNA in order to prevent their own extinction. Swabbing our mouths just won't do though, so instead our alien friends must rip out our brains using their telekinetic powers. You play as Crypto, the alien charged with collecting our brain stems and saving the Furon the race.

The gameplay is mission-based, taking place in six separate towns across America. Viewed from a third-person perspective, the majority of the game takes place on foot as you guide Crypto towards his current objectives, many of which revolve around collecting certain items, killing certain people, destroying certain items or following certain things. Accomplishing these tasks rewards you with DNA, which can be used to upgrade your weapons and abilities and unlock new missions. New missions advance the storyline and revisiting towns via the hub of the mothership allows you to play some minigames to earn more DNA.

The missions tend to pan out in similar ways, often they require stealth which is achieved through creating a holographic projection of a human form around yourself. In order to maintain this disguise you must read the minds of those around you, a task which becomes increasingly irritating as the mostly unfunny hillbilly remarks begin to repeat themselves like the ramblings of a senile pensioner. Clearly this was an attempt by Pandemic to force us to listen to the humour they apparently put a lot of effort into, but it soon gets to a point where the grating squeaks of yet another sexually-deprived 50s housewife prompt you to stop playing the game out of disgust.

When you're not playing holographic dress-up, you're usually running about disintegrating the locals with a range of tongue-in-cheek weaponry. Your Zap-o-matic functions as a basic stun-gun, while more powerful gadgets such as the Disintegrator Ray tend to do exactly what it says on the tin, or on the side of the gun anyway. Besides weapons you have psychokinetic abilities, allowing you to pick objects up and toss them about in a vague representation of everyday physics. While this could've been a hugely enjoyable way to destroy all the humans, in reality it's clumsy and awkward and you'll only find yourself using it once you've run out of ammunition for your primary weapons (which is quite often unfortunately).

As far as mission design goes, there are a few saving graces. Easily the funniest sections of the game are the moments when you, disguised as a human, must speak at length. Choosing from a handful of things to say, you must earn the trust of those around you - be they a crowd of voting hicks or a room of army generals. Earning their trust is as simple as avoiding commanding them to bow down before your might, or just playing to their fear of communism, and regardless of whether or not you succeed at this task, you'll still get to witness some great voice acting and hilarious dialogue.

And then there's the infamous death-dealing sci-fi cliché itself, the flying saucer. There's a clear rift in gameplay between the saucer sections and the on foot sections, it's surprisingly limited, only allowing you to land at certain locations around the map, and only ever really being used for those times when the Furons want to make entire towns go away. And then it's restrictive in that you're often denied use of the saucer on missions where using it would make a lot of sense. A missed opportunity if ever there was one.

Part of the reason I've been so cynical of Destroy All Humans is because it's frustratingly close to being an excellent game. As it stands, the samey missions, the lack of any real depth and the gameplay niggles obscure the excellent humour and brilliantly conveyed theme. It's not a bad game by any means, it's just disappointingly flawed.